your love vibrates and shimmers through the
pentimenti of the man I used to be,
illuminating the man I am becoming:
translucent, shedding skin,
in both directions I am awakening.

your sweet strength, your tremulous tenderness,
carried by oceans, unseen but felt through vast distances,
evokes passionate sobriety in my heart,
a sensual clarity
through which a myriad of colors emerge in my mind:
howling unborn forms beg me to conceive them.

and your beauty, much more than a gateway to new worlds,
passes through me like a spring breeze in a quiet house:
enlivened, I arise in tandem with your beauty, ignited
my back stretches to the earth,
chest expanding over mountains,
lungs filled with fire:
I will breathe new life across the still waters
that lie within wayfarers and wanderers.

i have unshakable conviction in the force of your ascent,
burning within you,
seeking daylight through your fluid movement ~
rest easy, it needs nothing
save your willingness and fortitude.
and their proof, dear one,
their proof has long been smoldering beneath your ashes,
so breathe deep and easy,
release the air within your chest gently,
gently into your ashes,
let them become warm embers
for you to see on sleepless nights,
feel the cool air hold you beneath a forgiving moon
and dear one, rest easy,
rest easy tonight

you search for a home
cycling between
the death of perspective and
the murder of emotion
rapt and crying, lying on the mirror of hope

endless grasping for what would bring it all down,
release you into something more, so you seek this:
the chimera of stability

spray your mind and heart out of the back of your desires
snap this off while it’s inside
burn it down within
set the skies aflame with the aftermath
that shines through your eyes
embrace your descent
and perhaps you will be reborn and ascend through a form
worthy of impermanence

one

by the grace of a mystery beyond my grasp,
these hands found their way in you
to massage your heart ever so briefly -
yet you already know
it has never stopped,
merely respiring under the dark night of grief,
and it will love more than it has ever known
beginning with this light of spring.
the blossoms are but the first encore,
listen as they sing your song…

two

…through you,
through you I remember autumn:
a forgiving breeze
unveiling eros in the clearing of weary trees,
the humility of needs settles in the warmth of your skin
and patience finds its way back to the earth,
leaving grace dancing to the notes you’ve etched in these inward skies.

one

do you feel this?
revealing itself like a symphony?
the pulse felt in the polyrhythm of two hearts -
separating in time and space to experience
the miracle of witnessing and being seen,
converging to feel surrender and intimacy,
circling, spiraling
within the strength of silence,
by the power of trembling words,
and elevated by what is unspoken.

when one and two become one,
might this be more than a reprise?

an exposed wound not meant to heal…

a reminder, a companion….

….a calling from the friction of duality
because bliss would be too simple….

I have chosen this:
to embrace the pain of distant memories lost in my body,
to be unearthed by the winds of emotions that find their way through my racing heart and trembling breath,
to battle and surrender to eternal loneliness, so that I might dissolve and span the distance of pillars and strings…

you want more
than a knowing look and a composed posture -
unshakable is only a single direction.

you wish for my muscles to ache
under the strain of the future,
my unwavering ears
to listen to your unarticulated musing:
more words will not be enough -
i am forced to learn a new language,
to become a translator between
a father’s ascent and a mother’s embrace,
and to see the sobering relationship between
pooling blood and a newborn child.

Am I not alone in this?

even fear under a new moon does not retreat…

Recently I wrote a poem for musical composer and friend, Brad Fowler, entitled, “Mirror Anima”. The piece premiered at the Missouri Music Educators Association annual conference, performed by the Kearney High School Bel Canto Choir, and directed by Jason Elam. Below is the poem and a recording of the performance, followed by a little note on the meaning of the poem.

(more…)

I am a felt sense of life,
an attempt of articulation
with a cursed tongue
and no end in sight.

Tethered to wonder and fright
a delusion of divinity
I seek nothingness
and shadows of light.

Survival is a given
so I must ask another question:
What is the difference
between a mystery and confusion?

my fears, incense compressed
through countless moments of forgotten vulnerability,
burn in the roaring fire of our hearts,
the smoke, a reminder of my fortitude,
the beautiful scent, a celebration of Love

melting into you, with you,
we enter a presence that needs nothing,
yet beckons us to live and love,
invites effortless hope,
a play of tears and laughter,
and smiles that could warm the sun

Light releases its purpose
to play and dance on your skin,
a newborn doe finding its legs in the snow,
jumping, leaping in that moment
when fantasy kisses reality…

Life clings to your hair giddily,
swirling ecstatically, pretending,
for once, that no one is looking,
and dresses itself in your wonderment…

Imagination sneaks away from dreams,
to catch a glimpse of the world through your eyes,
whisper loudly amusing ideas
and laugh with delight at each passerby…

Joy forgets the needs of the world,
if for only a moment,
to make its own music from your lips
and feel what it means to be born…

And my heart takes audience to you,
receiving the gift of your beauty.
Hear my love – applause for an encore,
another night with you…

I’m hanging myself
and every time I talk to God
the rope gets a little tighter
burning only when I resist…
jumping up and down on this chair,
waiting for it to crack,
we share a good laugh,
at just how wobbly it all is.
If done right, I’ll bleed out from my heart
and his mistress will receive me
in the floorboards made from the coffins of saints.