i have unshakable conviction in the force of your ascent,
burning within you,
seeking daylight through your fluid movement ~
rest easy, it needs nothing
save your willingness and fortitude.
and their proof, dear one,
their proof has long been smoldering beneath your ashes,
so breathe deep and easy,
release the air within your chest gently,
gently into your ashes,
let them become warm embers
for you to see on sleepless nights,
feel the cool air hold you beneath a forgiving moon
and dear one, rest easy,
rest easy tonight

you search for a home
cycling between
the death of perspective and
the murder of emotion
rapt and crying, lying on the mirror of hope

endless grasping for what would bring it all down,
release you into something more, so you seek this:
the chimera of stability

spray your mind and heart out of the back of your desires
snap this off while it’s inside
burn it down within
set the skies aflame with the aftermath
that shines through your eyes
embrace your descent
and perhaps you will be reborn and ascend through a form
worthy of impermanence

an exposed wound not meant to heal…

a reminder, a companion….

….a calling from the friction of duality
because bliss would be too simple….

I have chosen this:
to embrace the pain of distant memories lost in my body,
to be unearthed by the winds of emotions that find their way through my racing heart and trembling breath,
to battle and surrender to eternal loneliness, so that I might dissolve and span the distance of pillars and strings…

you want more
than a knowing look and a composed posture -
unshakable is only a single direction.

you wish for my muscles to ache
under the strain of the future,
my unwavering ears
to listen to your unarticulated musing:
more words will not be enough -
i am forced to learn a new language,
to become a translator between
a father’s ascent and a mother’s embrace,
and to see the sobering relationship between
pooling blood and a newborn child.

Am I not alone in this?

even fear under a new moon does not retreat…

I am a felt sense of life,
an attempt of articulation
with a cursed tongue
and no end in sight.

Tethered to wonder and fright
a delusion of divinity
I seek nothingness
and shadows of light.

Survival is a given
so I must ask another question:
What is the difference
between a mystery and confusion?

After 5 months of planning, 3 months of my site being under construction, and several years of living deep questions, processing, and immersing myself in a multitude of experiences, I’m excited to welcome you to my new website! This site is more than a new look, it embodies a deep change, both an arriving and a beginning. The short of it is that I am focusing my life and work on intimate entrepreneurial consulting, spiritual guidance, art, and writing. I will let those pages describe this in more detail, and in particular my first post in Live the Questions will illuminate a bit of the deeper processing I have been going through. For now, I just want to let this whole site speak for me as I have put so much heart, blood, sweat, and tears into it, so I invite you to explore, read, and share! (Be sure to check out the homepage to see the full design).

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Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart. Don’t search for the answers. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer. ~ Rilke

All of this started with a question. It’s amazing to me to think of a question as a starting point, given how much unknown is inherent in just asking a question honestly. It seems we often think of answers as the actual starting point, but in my experience they are the result and expression of inquiry deeply lived and embodied.

For over a decade now I have passionately pursued so many questions, some of which I did not even consciously know I was asking – spiritual, existential, emotional, relational, vocational. I have spent a large portion of my life meditating, studying contemplative teachings, diving into my shadows and demons, remembering love, falling in and out of love, and struggling to find my place in life.

Who am I? Perhaps this single question underlies all questions. If I have done anything consistently in my life, it is ask this question and struggle with it. And for years I have pursued and explored ways in which I might be of service to others, to help them explore, feel, and live these questions with courage, heart, and earnest devotion. The difficulty I experienced in this pursuit was not knowing what that would look like and how it would feel in harmony with my experience. I did not want to pursue some form of service simply to do it, nor did I want to create something out of thin air to give me a false sense stability and importance.

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Most of the time I don’t like tidy little lists that box reality into a few bullet points, but they’re also helpful as a starting point for a more real-time, nuanced, and complex exploration that go way beyond the list itself. With that in mind, I’d like to share with you four dimensions of entrepreneurship that I regularly touch base with, feel into, and consult my peers and mentors about. I found these four to be consistent in all of my ventures, regardless of their focus and industry,which include:

• Buddhist Geeks, co-founded with Vincent Horn. A spiritual media company.
• Falling Fruit. A failed podcasting network, but one of the most rewarding and educating entrepreneurial experiences of my life.
• PowerUp Productions. My web design and branding company.
• Sex, God, Rock ‘n Roll. A national television show that I co-produced, a film/tv version of a start-up.

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In September I had the honor of coaching the talented and insightful Kristen Wheeler for her TEDx Boulder talk. If you don’t know her, one of the things I love about Kristen is she is contagiously joyful and energetic (she has a trampoline in her office that she jumps on when she has an epiphany or breakthrough, just to give you a picture). Kristen had a clear idea and heartbeat of what she wanted to offer and communicate in her talk and I helped her craft that into a succinct, well-organized, and emotionally impacting TEDx talk. The result was her talk being voted top 5 by the Boulder audience and a line of people after the event wanting to connect with her.

I absolutely enjoyed the process, particularly because Kristen was so open the entire time, and so I thought it might interesting to share my experience and insights. My approach to the talk was heavily influenced by my experience in screenwriting and film, which might seem odd to some. Of course, I also have other experiences that influence me – leadership training, speeches, group presentations, etc. But TED talks are you unique and more than anything, I find them to be a hybrid between a lecture, story telling, and acting.

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The central task of an artist, particularly in creating art for another person, is to have the final form embody and express clearly, fully, the vision that has been set forth in the beginning. This is true regardless of form – copywriting, poetry, graphic design, paintings, music, etc. Basically, in the end you want to shout with joy, “Yes! That’s it!” You want to feel in every cell in your body and throughout your entire being that you have accomplished this goal. It’s an amazing feeling.

Getting there? Not so easy.

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my fears, incense compressed
through countless moments of forgotten vulnerability,
burn in the roaring fire of our hearts,
the smoke, a reminder of my fortitude,
the beautiful scent, a celebration of Love

melting into you, with you,
we enter a presence that needs nothing,
yet beckons us to live and love,
invites effortless hope,
a play of tears and laughter,
and smiles that could warm the sun