Reality is radically personal and radically impersonal.

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Over the last ten days I have I been practicing a sadhana with the Bodhisattva Cintamani Cakra Avalokiteshvara, the second deity in my 40-day practice vow, today being the last day with Avalokiteshavara before moving to a practice with Mahavairocana for ten days.

Avalokiteshvara gave me my first taste of progression, moving from one deity to another, and I discovered that the contrast (or complimentary nature) between Vajrasattva and Avalokitesvara was itself revealing, in addition to the practice. Whereas Vajrasattva is all about seeing myself as divinely capable as a practitioner, cultivating non-self confidence, having no hindrances as a practitioner innately, Avalokiteshvvara reveals to me a deep trust not only in myself, but in all of my experience, doing this through the cultivation of intimacy between Avalokiteshvara and I, my experience and my awareness of that experience, then to immediacy, radical subjectivity, awareness itself.

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The first 10 days of my 40 day vow (today is day 3) I’ll be practicing as Vajrasattva and so I’d thought I’d give a very brief introduction to him as taught to me by my teacher, Hokai Sobol. In describing the qualities that Vajrasattva embodies and represents, what is important to me is not some objective, detached understanding, but to see those qualities in myself, as myself, embodied through my practice and integrated into my daily life. So, I will speak more from that perspective and I hope that you read this with that feeling in mind and heart.
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Because I’m lazy. And all-or-nothing.

I like vows because they force me to be disciplined and structured, so I’m doing it again, and started day one yesterday, November 17, 2010. This time for 40 days, 30 minutes each day of practice. During this time I will be working with four different deities as understood and practiced in the Shingon tradition and instructed by my teacher, Hokai Sobol. I’ll finish these 40 days with a week-long solitary retreat. Well, semi-solitary because I’ll be doing the retreat with my dharma brother, Vincent Horn, but we’ll each be doing our own thing, kicking it buddha-licious style in a cabin up in Crestone, Colorado.

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Today an article I wrote was published on Buddhist Geeks entitled, “The Three Flavors of Continuing in Practice“. Some of you might be Buddhist Geeks fans visiting for the first time, so I thought I’d point you to a few articles on this site that follow my experience of doing the 100 day vow, and you can subscribe to future articles here:

100 Days of Practice (kick off post)

100 Days – The Practice

Mind Accepting, Heart Embracing

100 Days Complete – My Experience (what I learned, insights, etc)

Thanks for joining me here!

At the beginning of September, sitting with my dharma brother, Vincent Horn, I completed the 100-day practice vow I set forth in May. I was able to do so in large part thanks to my teacher, Hokai Sobol, who both encouraged me to take the vow and helped me in so many ways through out. I’ve had the intention of writing this post, sharing with you some of my experiences, and it’s long overdue. I also have a few other posts I started during the 100 days that I’ll follow up with after this post.

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The core of Buddhadharma has to do with unfolding the miracle of meaning itself. This dynamic has both a knowing (mind) and a concerned resonating (heart) aspect to it. -Hokai Sobol

I have a series of posts I’m writing this week in which I’ll share my experiences so far as well as instructions and teachings given to me by Hokai Sobol during the 100 Day Vow I’m currently doing. He has encouraged me enthusiastically to do so and I’m extremely grateful for him for taking so much time to guide me in my practice, and to share that with you as I walk this path.

As a quick note, these posts will include paraphrases from Hokai’s instructions, and I won’t always quote them simply to make things easier to read. On occasion I will quote word for word and note that for anything that I felt particularly stood out. So, basically, if you read anything that blows you away, that’s Hokai

In this post I want to provide a little context around the practice I’m doing, detailed here – why I’m doing it, how I’m doing it, and why I’m doing that way. If that makes sense.

Over the last year or so I have embraced a strong second person relationship to the divine, and in that, surrender and receiving have become important. (And even that has now started to evolve beyond itself, but I’m trying to begin at the beginning here in recounting this). At the same time, practice and my experience has become more and more subtle, and with that the form my practice takes has mirrored it, allowing me to deepen it. Hokai has been invaluable in this process since I started to work with him over a year ago, and particularly in creating this practice vow and the practice itself.

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I haven’t posted at all since starting my 100 Day Practice vow over 50 days ago, but I have a series of posts coming this week that I think you’ll really enjoy. They’re mostly filled with teachings and instructions given to me by Hokai, along with my own experiences along the way.

The first place I want to start is to simply share the practice with you, without commentary. This will provide context in some of my other posts as the practice is the starting point for the deeper meaning contained within the practice and teachings. I hope that my experience and sharing Hokai’s teachings will provide inspiration and possible clarity for your own practice, as well as providing some insight into the flavor of Vajrayana practice. Here is the practice that I have been doing:

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On May 25, 2010 I started a 100 day practice vow with the encouragement of my teacher, Hokai Sobol. It’s a pretty straightforward challenge:

• 100 days of practice. In a row. (that last part is key)
• Practice every single day, no matter what, no matter how long.
• Do the same practice every single day.

(For those of you less skilled in math and the Gregorian calendar, I’m on day 8. It’s cool. I have to use a Mac application to remind me what friggin’ day it is).

Of course, for anyone undertaking a contemplative path, discipline and regular practice is crucial, whatever form that takes, but for me it’s particularly relevant. I have my strengths on the spiritual path. I’m good at going all-or-nothing, like doing a solitary retreat, but the discipline in daily life is a bit more challenging, so this practice vow will be immensely helpful.  Over the last year I have had some breakthroughs and have felt on the verge of another, but I have only been cycling back and forth. There has been real value in the way I have approached practice in the last year, in a more spontaneous manner, but it is time for a different approach, one that bears fruit only discipline can give.

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The dark night might be the most unacknowledged, unrecognized, and unappreciated phases on the path to the Divine. Yet, if we are a serious practitioner, we really have no choice about it and one way or another, we will inevitably find ourselves in the dark night.

And you might be in it right now. Or someone you know.

But we need not worry or become frightened – in fact fear is something you become quite intimate and at peace with in the dark night.

The dark night isn’t discussed much in the Buddhist tradition. Mostly we here only about the extremely blissful and shiny aspects and phases of the path. I think this is partly due to the models we hold about enlightenment, but it also has something to do with it just not being as exciting on the surface as talking about Dzogchen or Mahamudra.

The problem here is that not knowing that you’re in the dark night can lead to confusion, stalling out in practice (I didn’t really sit for 2 years straight when I entered into it), and in some cases the self-sabatoging of your life, mistakenly seeing the causes of your dark night suffering as existing “out there”. Even more painful is the lack of appreciation for how far you’ve come on the path, that what you are experiencing right now is beautiful and is indeed progress, not a step back and not an inescapable spiritual abyss.

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